quote of the day

i hate love

please god make me be strong never have i felt this way for someone and to see it go to waste is hurting every piece of me shouldnt i be happy that i made csf? shouldnt i be happy that im doing goood at work? but no IM SO FUCKIN UNHAPPY AND for what? for a guy that is to busy not noticing what he had and unfortunately what he still has cuz i cant let him go even though were over. just now my mom asked me why are you always so sad now. and its so true i cant hide it anymore i cant im killing myself cuz i cant stop thinking about it. fuck dude i give everything for him and to him i seem like nothing. he gets mad cuz i say he doesnt miss me. is he missed me why doesnt he say it out loud why does he talk to so many girls why does he only text me wen hes bored? is that who i am now just someone to kill your boredom? idk how many more hours i can take this sadness and to not even be able to cry cuz then my mom asks questions i cant let go of anything. FUCK DUDE . it was easier the first time but now its so hard how can i make him fuckin miss me if im there like a dumbass? i know i dont deserve this but whats new something always happens to me no one ever stays in my life everyone always leaves uhh

saturday night fever

soo i have a fever bleeh.
just got out of work it was a waste of my 3 hours but hey i got paid for doing nothing
so today was very cool i got to spend time with cisco family
honestly that is the best family i have seeen in years!!! they made me feel all sick dude
and seeing two peoplein love like that after many years now thats TRUE LOvE!!
so ciscos mom made me think about my dad today askin me if my dad watches sports and i told her my dad passed away. i hate when i tell people because then they feel sorry for askin that but its okay. but i started thinking the sports my dad waTCHED and i started thinking wrestling? soccer? basketball? hmm their are days when missing someone comes back like why DID GOD HAVE TO TAKE HIM? ;/

end of semester

so today i found out im graduating in white!:)
i was sooo stressed for the past month after everything that is happpening in my life not making CSF was going to make my life any easier. it sucked because people that i love and know how much i worked hard for this didnt really even care,honestly their are times when i feel i have like nothing to look forward too but know i know that at least something is going right in my life. im not sure what is to come for the next few months but ive noticed that in my last years the beggining of the year is always one of the worsts but this one is just pushing it too far. and i feel like someone i love is falling of their tracks because of the people they hang out with:/ uggh im soo sad about that knowing their better but all they want to do is have some fun i hope they figure it out in time .