next milestone

wow so this girl kayla actually noticed my blogger:D i was so shocked but that made me feel happy in a way..so thank you!.
well i am graduating tommorow how exciting!
like i am done with high school no more saying see u in lunch or
ill see u instudy period
lets cut the lunch line.
noope no more now its time for SDSU
i am so excited so my boyfriend took me to state today
and i just felt like home
even though ppl might think like
oh its just state.nope i felt like home
i think this is perfect for me i am sooo excited
& at the same time soo confused
so yeah im back with him andd i am extremely happy:)
that is all
i am trying to look for a NEW job cuz tillys hours suck
so yeah u want to look at getting ajob at retail lol good luck!
i am excited for transformers && new moon( yea talk shit idk i like it )

so i have came to the conclusion that i am so blank about life right now,i want to move on just go straight to colllege i wish i had more money so i could have my own apartment to move into or to move into the dorms but no so im stuck with the idea that between june-september i need to find a place to stay .my mindis ddrawing blanks to what i want to do right now nnot about school or anything like that just about life. im so over thise high school crap.

04/24/02

so i was thinking about my dad alot today and it just sucks that i wont ever see him again like its so true what dr.cole says about how that feeling of loosin someone hits you on those times when you least expect it its been almost 7 years since he died from a stroke and it just sucks. my best friend gets to see her dad next week i am sooo happy for her she is soo lucky that she gets chances to see her dad and soon shell be with him again forever. i just wish that maybe i would get to see him again ya know? like it sucks thinking how life could have been with him here would my family be soo fucked up as it is now? would my brother of been healthy ? would my sister not of ran away? it just sucks thinking that he has never been there to see me graudate from anywhere elementary school, middle school and soon high school i know ppl always say like he is there watchin you but it would be nice lookin at the stands and actually seeing him ya know;/ its weird how life is happening and all of a sudden you get these moments where you pause and think but really think. is thhis as bad as something else is failing a test as bad as never seein your dad again? hmm

just gonna empty out my brain

so if u want to read this fine hope you understand.
i dislike how still people lie to me unless theyve been lying to be all this time
why is it that someones closest friend call you a pothead and u tell me your not? do they know you better than me? ugh this is so dumb like who to believe i always believed you but now idk maybe they do know u better than me. i dont understand why ppl smoke soo much? like just sitting down smokin with ure "friends" thats so retarded like their is nothing wrong with once in a while smokin but god dam dude everyday its smokin drinkin or both. like i dont understand ive told a lot of ppl i love to watch out with that i have een how much it can fuck up someones life and their family and people still dont listen? like if i dont care about them like idk dude. anyways i dont understand why ppl try soooo effin hard on someone i see it everyday everywhere i do it too. i dont understand if the guy doesnt like you HE DOESnt LIKE YOU i hate seeing girls hurt but god dam dude i wish i could go into their brains but who am i kidding im pretty sure someone wants to probably go into my brain too. i just am soo effin confused about everythin i swear if im being used again im gonna shoot myslef for being soo stupid i wish i could just be told i dont want to go out withu again maybe that way i would get a clue about what to do. another thing on my mind is how fake people are your my friend one day the next you think you are soo much better than me fuck dude like all of a sudden u dont talk to me ugh what type of crap is that ;/ thats it for now i need to go blow my nose

eemm eeem:)

well back to school how wack
good thing tommorow is a short day yaya!:)
soo i really really need a car and i figured out this weekend i want an altima an black :) i mean my dream car has always been a bmw BUTTTTTTT no money for that lol
im really procrastinating in yearbook or maybe im just not interested in doing the soccer page CUZ I REALLY AM NOT!
oh well:/ i think i need a new phone my camera is being wakk in it
soo in like a month imam be 18 im soo excited i finally can get my piercing:)
yay<3

so i didnt get any type of message on valentines day and to think that i would at least get a text message ;/ dang man i thought i wasnt those girls that are dillusional thinking that he would come after work or sshow up randomly
wow i couldnt be any more wrong. so i guess that movie was right if he likes you hell tell you and show you. if not hes just not innto you. so i guess i jjust shouldnt wait patiently anymore thinking that im gona look outside my window and see him there.

goodbye<3

4 day weekend

thaNKs to the man above!:)
well im glad i got to eat candy today
thank you to all the people that gave me something:)
i really wanted a chocolate cover strawberry lol
well school is nothig more but a drag to me now senioritis is hitting me like a school bus infront of a blind cat idk if that made sense but oh well.
7th period isnt that bad or maybe its just the beggining
well tommorow bright and earl movies and then hopefully some mariscos
yay:)

goodbye!<3
xoxo

burn

tell me what to do? should i stay or should i just let go. all this pain and all the nights i cry are not helping. i see know that you will never fight for me you will never show me that i mean a part of your life. it hurts so bad but its the truth ive fought for you. put up with everyones shit about how your not worth it. but to me it seems like you are worth it. but idk for what you dont love me you dont wipe my tears away. these butterflies in my stomach are sad like me because they dont have a reason to fly around;/ why is this soooooooo fuckin easy to you. and to me i have to hide it sooo much so no one sees how much its hurting me. already your callin another girl babes i cant believe i was actually going to take you out to dinner for your bday but what do u do you dont even invite me or talk to me the whole day why the fuck do u only talk to me at night when u have no one to talk to im fuckin tired of this

so today would have been 2 yrs nd 6 months what a fuckiin trip;/
i had so many things planned i was gonna takehim out to eat yesterday since i knew he wouldnt want to miss the superbowl. i was gonna buy him a new guitar and sticks for guitar hero
how stupid can i be?
im glad no one really reads these blogs that way i cAN express myself my thoguhts that i try to say but i dont.

quote of the day

i hate love

please god make me be strong never have i felt this way for someone and to see it go to waste is hurting every piece of me shouldnt i be happy that i made csf? shouldnt i be happy that im doing goood at work? but no IM SO FUCKIN UNHAPPY AND for what? for a guy that is to busy not noticing what he had and unfortunately what he still has cuz i cant let him go even though were over. just now my mom asked me why are you always so sad now. and its so true i cant hide it anymore i cant im killing myself cuz i cant stop thinking about it. fuck dude i give everything for him and to him i seem like nothing. he gets mad cuz i say he doesnt miss me. is he missed me why doesnt he say it out loud why does he talk to so many girls why does he only text me wen hes bored? is that who i am now just someone to kill your boredom? idk how many more hours i can take this sadness and to not even be able to cry cuz then my mom asks questions i cant let go of anything. FUCK DUDE . it was easier the first time but now its so hard how can i make him fuckin miss me if im there like a dumbass? i know i dont deserve this but whats new something always happens to me no one ever stays in my life everyone always leaves uhh

saturday night fever

soo i have a fever bleeh.
just got out of work it was a waste of my 3 hours but hey i got paid for doing nothing
so today was very cool i got to spend time with cisco family
honestly that is the best family i have seeen in years!!! they made me feel all sick dude
and seeing two peoplein love like that after many years now thats TRUE LOvE!!
so ciscos mom made me think about my dad today askin me if my dad watches sports and i told her my dad passed away. i hate when i tell people because then they feel sorry for askin that but its okay. but i started thinking the sports my dad waTCHED and i started thinking wrestling? soccer? basketball? hmm their are days when missing someone comes back like why DID GOD HAVE TO TAKE HIM? ;/

end of semester

so today i found out im graduating in white!:)
i was sooo stressed for the past month after everything that is happpening in my life not making CSF was going to make my life any easier. it sucked because people that i love and know how much i worked hard for this didnt really even care,honestly their are times when i feel i have like nothing to look forward too but know i know that at least something is going right in my life. im not sure what is to come for the next few months but ive noticed that in my last years the beggining of the year is always one of the worsts but this one is just pushing it too far. and i feel like someone i love is falling of their tracks because of the people they hang out with:/ uggh im soo sad about that knowing their better but all they want to do is have some fun i hope they figure it out in time .